Three years... Dear Nanny

Today marks three years since my Nanny, my grandma, my person, the original Dixie moved on to whatever comes after this life. Three years since I had to tell her it was time to go- that I had to go teach and she had to go be with Poppy and Aunt Lil. Three years since I held her hand for the last time and heard her tell me she loves me and to "just be happy dear." Three years since my best friends in the world wrapped their arms around me when I thought I would fall to pieces.

God I miss her so much. I miss her every day.

I can't even begin to recap what has transpired these past three years- can't even begin to write her a note to send out into the universe to catch her up on my life. Would she even believe it if I could?

I knew her death was transforming for her but I could never have imagined how it would transform me. Walking through those last moments of her life so closely with her, she taught me- taught me about being strong, taught me about loving the hell out of the people around me, taught me about connecting into my spirituality, taught me about being true to myself, taught me even more about the unbelievable love and strength of my family.

Dear Nanny,

I miss you- I feel like shouting that at the top of my lungs but the grief makes it hard for sound to come out. I miss you.

I hate and love that every day makes it feel like you are simultaneously slipping further from my memory and yet somehow you are also becoming so much more a part of who I am.

I'm writing more. You always said I should be a writer. I think the events of my life have forced the words from me and been at times the only tangible thread keeping me from floating off this earth.

Nanny, I'm divorced now- it was insanely painful. I even had to give up the pugs. That was unimaginable to me the last time we were together and frankly at each step along the way. A twist in the road I never could have seen coming but even on the days I wake up and wonder why I completely dismantled my life, I see that each step was a step aligned with my heart and my integrity and that I got here by just trying to do the next right thing.

It isn't where I thought I'd end up but I think that's okay.

I got that tenure track job I always wanted and this week will have my last teaching observation before being granted tenure! Seriously an academic tenure track job in the same area my ex-wife and I wanted to live and that was perfect for the babies we thought we would have- we were all ready to go right before you got sick. So grateful we never did get pregnant.

Yup- no wife, no puppies, no babies, but I do have the job! Of course it was touch and go there for a bit with our entire faculty going on strike last year and a board and president of the college so contested we are now starting over completely- new president, board, Vice President of instruction. You would have enjoyed watching the union at work fighting for a college they believed in.  Oh and I did get offered that dream job last year- tenure track at my alma mater- everything I thought I wanted except for not a living wage for that area and I turned it down. Who could have predicted that one either- but my heart called and you taught me how to listen.

I think you'd be proud of me Nanny. I think you would delight in how I inspire and show up for my students. How less and less I want to hide from them because I'm nervous I don't know enough and more and more the person I am is evident in all aspects of my life- how I am no longer trying to be professorial but just trying to be who I am and teach what I have learned while learning with them. My students inspire me Nan. You'd be entertained and amazed by them.

I fell in love again after the divorce. I didn't think that was possible - I loved her and her puppy fiercely. She broke my heart. And now I've learned I can survive that too and I don't regret one minute I spent loving her. The dust is still settling on that one. I guess I just keep praying my person will find me- please feel free to give them a nudge my way.

I had another knee surgery- a total knee replacement at 34 years old. It was hell- I will never forget seeing mom's face so horrified to see her kid in pain that the doctors couldn't control. It was a long hard road back but it really did transform me. I skied again and even learned to snowboard! I even got to ski with dad and all of your great grandkids! Yup there's another one we never saw coming. Last Christmas we were all together in Tahoe- God did we miss you! You would have loved the chaos and fun and craziness of the band all together. But I know you were there.

I need another knee surgery now. Another ligament is torn and it is a complicated surgery because of the knee replacement and having had 7 previous surgeries. I'm scared. I've been in pain since last spring and that has taken me down another rabbit hole of messy confusion. But I'm doing my best to just keep moving forward- what else is there to do and thank god pot is legal in Washington or i don't think i could survive this pain.

Oh and I did finally get my name on a research grant- I am the Co-PI (principal investigator) of a National Science Foundation grant! There was a 90% rejection rate when we applied but we were awarded funding. Finally- my name on the grant- ready to step forward into even more leadership at the site!!! That was an achievement hard earned and so sweet. The high of it lasted a month until violence in El Salvador erupted and we realized we could not go back. My entire research program, what I have been working for since the beginning of my graduate career, is now marked with a giant sign reading "do not enter!" My second home on this earth now a place I can't go and my worries are amplified for my friends there.

We got to work in Costa Rica instead- you'd love that i got to go to the NASA/ university of Alabama Huntsville facility to analyze satellite imagery with one of the world's best! Now that was an inspiring place - I wished I could have had Dad there with me to talk with such big thinkers- I think he would have loved it.  I get to go back in a few months- though these days I'm not sure where my research is taking me. We found ancient footpaths in Costa Rica and a house this past summer and we be back in the field this coming summer. I wonder if this will be the end of my field research but honestly don't know. I think the loss of Ceren research has left me uncertain of what direction to go next. But I will be giving a lecture at the University of Washington in the spring- can you imagine? Me the kid who dropped out of college! So I know enough to say- who's to know and to just keep showing up.

Oh and this last week I cast my vote for the first woman president of the United States. I wore your mom's pearls that day and your ring that I always wear and white for suffragettes. She didn't win. Donald Trump- ya that guy- ya he did. The election was horrific mixes is sexism, rape culture, homophobia, transphobia, racism, xenophobia, and ableism run a muck. Honestly I don't think any of us could even process the vile and horrific things said on our TVs, radios, and even more so from our fellow citizens. The country has erupted in hate but also activism... People are rising up and declaring they will not tolerate such hate and injustice. I'm rising up Nanny. I'm not censoring and quieting my voice in the same ways. I am not sure what the people in my life make if it, but mostly I'm not sure I care. My voice is powerful and loud and I'm using it in the name of love, peace, and equity. I'll be at a rally for inclusion today using my voice. I hope I make you proud. And you should see how amazing your great-grandkids are doing, and your grandkids, and your kids. They are all growing so much and making this world a better place everyday. I know how proud you would be of all of them!

So things have not been dull these past three years and those are just the major events (though honestly I'm probably forgetting a few along the way). I know you know already about the losses- Uncle Billy, Kenzie's baby Faith, Katie's Sam and Rachel.... So many losses. Happy additions too- Errin and Jeff's Ashe, Galen and Chelsie's Aliena, my cousins' babies.. Billy's, Jame's, Kenz's, new family, and new friends and colleagues and students.  So goes life...the ever coming and going of those we love.

You would love how my family- biological and chosen- have rallied around me every step I have taken. My divorce party was a blast and I am grateful beyond words to my community who have held me steady in the wake of losing you and so much in the years since- My community who have continued steering me on in the direction of my own soul.

I miss you Nanny. I wish I could see you, talk to you, cry and laugh with you, know what your experiences have been these past three years- know what form you are in these days. But for today it is enough to send my words out into the abyss of the Internet hoping they can find you through my heart.

I love you my beautiful grandmother. Thank you for being so much a part of who I am and for always encouraging me to follow my dreams and my heart. I am Nan- it is taking all my courage but I am listening and following and could never have imagined where it has taken me, which hopefully means I cannot imagine what might come next.

Missing you today and always,
Your Christine - the next generation of Dixie

Dear America (Yes that includes you Trump voters)

Dear America (yes that includes you Trump voters)

I spent time in a writing group in one of the most liberal cities in our country recently with so many on the very far left and a similar theme I am seeing elsewhere emerged- namely the need to remember we are all human - that voting for trump doesn't make you a racist or sexist or a bigot, and in many cases might be a protest vote for the way things are- that there is probably plenty of common ground amongst us. 

For those reading this who have been subjected to lifetimes of hatred and torture in the form of racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, biases against your religious beliefs or politics, etc... Please know I don't mean to diminish in any way your outrage at what is justifiably outrageous. I get why people feel a vote for Trump ignored and dismissed their importance / right to safety and dignity- I also understand why so many voting their own conscious felt they needed to vote for him (or rather I'm understanding this more and more). Furthermore, I am becoming acutely aware of the places I have been comfortably resting in my privilege and will work to stand more powerfully with you as an engaged citizen and activist. 

I simply ask everyone who reads this to:

1) remember we are human and

2) please recognize that people are very, very scared for their lives (and children and students and family and friend's lives) because they are in many cases being directly threatened and harassed - with people citing Trump as justification for their hate. 

Before anyone says this is buying into fear and overreacting please know that I have way more stories in just my immediate community where violence has been directly threatened against them since Tuesday night- way too many and those are just my family and friends (not from the stories read in the media that no one trusts). And these are usually directed at groups that have long been the victims of targeted violent attacks that already worry for their safety for good reason. 

Again to be very clear in an atmosphere of major misunderstanding... I am not at all saying being for Trump means you do or support these things. What I am saying in the things Trump said during the campaign seem to have created a platform where people who do believe in hatred of women and gender non-conforming people, people of color, immigrants, Muslims, people with disabilities, lgbtqai people, liberals in general now feel justified in attacking these groups outright and we need ALL of us to stand up to that hate. As we also need to stand up to the hate directed at people for who they voted for. 

I don't believe your vote for any candidate makes you a good or bad human- you exist in a context and as an anthropologist I work to understand that context. I do believe we ALL carry responsibility for our divided country and ALL have a responsibility to stand up to hate. There are lots of policy fights and fights for civil and human rights ahead I know, but here I just address one aspect of this complex shit storm we are now all engaged in... 

I am pretty sure our digital age isn't helping with how much we dehumanize each other... So maybe I can make it a little more human if you happen to be someone who currently hates those who voted for Hillary: 

I'm a pretty likable human (I hope), I have a good heart, care very much for those around me and want to do good in the world-

the words of hate against gays are against me-

mocking of people with disabilities against me-

misogyny against me-

calls to kill liberals - yup that's me too. 

And the groups I don't identify with that are targeted - those are my students, my friends, my teachers, my family, my heroes, and my fellow citizens. The hate targeted at Trump voters- ya that's directed at my people too- family members and friends I love dearly. 

Also please know that so many of us are experiencing a feeling of outrage and violation as someone who openly discussed harming women is now being put in our highest office - if you think that is just us whining please have more conversations with survivors of sexual assault and rape and please listen to them- they will tell you how these violations stay with a person long after the events of abuse (I might add these are the people who are all too familiar with being told they are making it all up and are overreacting). 

I am standing up against hate, dehumanization, and violence directed at all of us. It is not okay that since this election hate had been unleashed on so many. 

The group with arguably one of the biggest reason to hate all of us Americans, many of them are currently camped out in the cold in North Dakota at Standing Rock, calling for prayers and peace to protect our environment. Native American groups are actively leading prays for the police forces, the pipeline company, and all in our society as they try to stand up for what they know to be right. 

Imagine if we all stand up with as much power, respect, and love. Whether we agree or not on what we stand up for, I think that love and respect for each other could be the revolution we all want. 

I hope you can hear me on the other side from my very liberal city and my very gay, feminist self! I love you my country, I am grateful for voices and views that are different from my own because they challenge me to think critically, and I hope we can agree our country is better than these hateful attacks from either side.

Veterans Day Reflections

Please read this from my heart to yours on Veterans Day!

Happy Veterans Day and my deepest gratitude to all of the people and their families who have served our country.  As always the heroes at the very top of my list are the Vietnam veterans- particularly the Dust Off pilots and medics. They never ignored a call, never abandoned a mission. They flew into the depths of war, over and over and over again, to save life after life. They risked their own lives more times than any of us can imagine SO OTHERS MIGHT LIVE. These heroes were harassed, spit on, ignored, attacked, and horrifically disrespected by a nation divided over politics. Here our history stands as a powerful reminder- whatever our political views might be I hope we can respect and honor the heroes, continue to see each other as human, and to stand together in the face of hate.

While hate and politics have created great divisions, perhaps respect and gratitude can bridge a gap today as we all reflect on the service of our veterans. They have helped to uphold the ideals of our country-  particularly our freedoms- where we can stand and declare out loud whatever it is we believe in. Where we can speak out when we don't agree with decisions and policies of our government- where we can actively work to create a society we want to live in. Please continue to work to keep these ideals- even when you disagree with the beliefs or views of others.

So many have already begun the journey across the aisles that have divided us- while I must stand with all of my power and force against the hate that is spreading I absolutely stand with you my fellow citizens committed to making this country and our world a safer, more equitable society.

Thank you to our heroes who answered their call of duty to their country. And an enormous debt and respect is owed to the service people who served this country even when their country hasn't always upheld their rights- Native Americans, African Americans, women, LGBTQ people.

We can all continue to work to make sure we take care of our veterans after what they have sacrificed for our country. We need to step up for them as they have for us.

A special thank you to all the veterans in my life- you inspire me!!!

Happy Veterans Day! I am forever proud to be the daughter of Flatbush- a truly amazing leader who decades ago learned how to fly the hell out of a helicopter so that other might live! I love you dad and will always work to make you proud.

Recognize our humanity in each other

After the initial shock that we could allow such hatred to flourish, I have had great faith restored by the beautiful and most important people in my life tonight. I have watched us comfort and console, challenge and support each other in raw, difficult, and real ways.

Here's what I know- we all recognize change is needed- we all believe we can do better- as a country, as a world, but also as individual humans. So let's do that- let's do better. "When they go low, we go high"... And not just high cause pot is legal in more places but high where we continue to stand proudly in who we are, where we continue to use all of our voices in the name of good. Where we protect and honor each other more - because clearly we have already too often failed at that.

So stand for what you believe in, stand for justice, stand for hope, and equality.

If you wanted to completely flip American politics- congratulations you have succeeded- so now what will you do?

Now what will we as a county stand for? Will we really continue to decide our government should have a say in our bodies (I thought that small government idea was a thing- so why are there laws about my body)?
Will we really allow people to starve in front of our eyes?
Will we return to when our elders were left with even less than they have now? Will we take away healthcare from the most vulnerable?
Will we really take away the rights of loving couples to be married?
Do we sleep well at night turning away immigrants who pursue the American Dream?
Are we really okay with so many young black kids being killed?
Are we really okay with corporations as people?
Or that so many of our civil liberties are not being supported or upheld?
What will we stand for as a country?

Or as my internal optimist cling to the little shreds of hope- might we start to unravel the complexities of social issues and economic decisions we have tied together as if they are the same thing, might we begin to see how interdependent we truly are, might the insanity of how divided our nation has become allow us to unify around the central tenants for which we all stand?

If I let this election silence me, then I have surely weakened the causes I most believe in. If I let this election enliven the passion and commitment of my values, and so do you, then maybe we can be one step closer to a better world.
 Trumps's messages have been against everything I believe in- against diversity on all levels, bigoted, racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, ableism bullshit - that is exactly what I as an anthropologist and a human reject. But maybe we can prove ourselves far better than that hate. Maybe when given the potential to destroy so many lives, maybe we can all decide on some basic decency and respect that we could share in common. My greatest hope is that we can recognize the humanity in each other once again- that's my mission as an anthropologist- that's why I teach. I want us to recognize our humanity in each other.

We have the power to do that- no government can take that from us or decide that for us. We the people create the world in which we want to live. So whoever is in office- maybe we can all search our hearts for compassion and maybe that can help unite us.

All I really know is that the people in my life are amazing- they are beautiful, intelligent, inspiring humans who are unbelievable forces of good in this world. I can sleep now- thinking of all of you out there working for a better world.

Pantsuit Nation Rising- November 8, 2016

PANTSUIT NATION RISING: (Nov 8, 2016)
The sun rises over Mt. Rainer as election day has finally arrived. So much rhetoric, propaganda, hate speech- far too many triggering lines shouted as victims relive horrible nightmares. Racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism given free reign - hate allowed to feaster and stew finally bubbling to the surface as we face a day for the first time in our history we have the power to elect a woman to the highest office in our land. 

The hatred and fear mongering has done its job- to scare and divide but an even more powerful force has risen in opposition- a nation of pantsuits!

Forums and places where people of all genders, races, backgrounds come together to not only cheer each other on and work to elect their candidate but to support, validate, and encourage one another. Their stories pour out over social media- 

A woman who lost her baby late in pregnancy kicked out of a hospital (a place supposed to protect and help her) and told to go to an abortion clinic where she must endure a FORCED ultra sound of the child she knows is already gone- prolonging a nightmare so painful there are not word to describe it. The pantsuits respond faster than the internet can sustain- "I'm so sorry for your loss", "we love you", "we are with you", "me too". The words of pantsuits all over the country rapidly filling page after page of support. 

Brave women sharing stories we know are far too common but as a society we have shamed into silence so that we might maintain our own comfort. Stories of abuse, of rape, of sexual assault- People courageously finding a cause worth breaking decades of silence for, worth typing words many have never been able to say out loud before. The pantsuit nation responses in thousands of voices "you are not alone", "we are here", "us too!"

Racism, homophobia, transphobia, sexism apparently a campaign platform now - but voices emphatically declaring in response a refusal to let others define our own worth- supporting each other as a pantsuit nation rises to the call of justice, of decency, of the ideals for which this country was founded. 

Parents of children mocked in hatred for their differently abled minds and bodies- here demanding better of our country- calling on us all for more inclusion and compassion. And the pantsuit nation responds. 

Beautiful story after story erupt from this pantsuit nation - so many there are almost one hundred still waiting to post. Dying of cancer but determined to leave a mark on the world with their vote; in love with a partner some have told them they don't deserve to marry; children, parents, grandparents uniting together for a cause they believe in; women in labor refusing to bring their babies into this world until their vote is cast; stickers placed on the graves of suffragettes who risked everything so the women of this country could today have a say in their own democracy. 

A pantsuit nation rises- adorned in white in the name of brave women who have come before us, standing in power of a unity that transcends so many important social movements, supporting and uplifting each other in standing in our own power and combatting the hate that has always been there but now has been given a platform. The power of community demonstrated person after person as we declare each in our own ways, in our own voices that we matter, that we deserve respect and love and equality under the law, that our earth is worth fighting for. 

There is so much work to be done ahead- water protectors currently camped on the cold front lines of the fight demonstrating day after day the power of non-violent resistance, of doing what is right, of love in the face of hate. There is hatred and ignorance to combat, patriarchal oppressive systems to dismantle and change, humility and respect required for an environment we have treated as horribly as each other- so much work to do ahead. 

But as I watch the sunrise today, I have renewed faith. I adore my neck in the pearls of my great grandmother- who lived most of her life not being allowed to participate in this democracy, the ring of grandmother who was born two months after women gained the right to vote in the US, my white shirt honoring suffragettes and all who have stood in the face of great darkness to demand our country better uphold our ideals of equal rights for all, and of course my pantsuit. 

Watch this pantsuit nation rise! #imwithher #pantsuitnation #womenwithher #vote #pantsuitnationrising

Oneness

Transformation washes over me

As the world looks anew again and again

The freedom given by true love

Releases and unties me to a higher space.

I held on to being invisible and saw it as my weakness

I held on to feeling like no one, as if I needed to become someone

I feared my lack of memory as my own defect

I longed to fill the emptiness within through another’s greatness

And I believed that my lack of distinction from others was a sickness.

In trying so much to become seen by the world, I was resisting the calling of my own soul

To be no one in a world pushing each so desperately to become someone

As if what we already are is not the most powerful, strong, beautiful expression of existence

The illusions of this humanness disorienting and distracting

Convincing ourselves we are lost, we are alone, we are not yet enough, we must become a someone

Teaching ourselves and our children that love is something earned rather than the mystical birth rite of each soul.

To let go of those illusions is to know for a moment that we are a manifestation of oneness

The road of enlightenment is a path of forgetting and releasing

It is through embracing the emptiness, letting go of the fight to define oneself, and allowing each being to simple be as we already are.

What I see now is that which I most resisted and shamed in myself were my places of connection, evolution, and oneness.

To become one with the universe is to lose oneself

To become enlightened is to know the connection between all that is

To be in the moment is have no need of memory

The emptiness within when explored is the peace and vastness of the universal life force

So when I felt invisible, when I was no-one, when I was empty, when I was alone, I was being called home.

My humanness forever pulling me into illusions of separateness

The image of even a soul or higher self a continued illusion of the self.

My soul is the universe, it is the connection of all things, and is not mine as there is no me from which to contain or possess it.  

To live as a human is to shift between the pulls of illusion and those of knowingness.

I follow the pull, the calling, the motion moving through me, dissolving me, into the embrace of oneness.

Happy Veterans Day! From the Daughter of a Hero

I am the daughter of a Vietnam Dust Off pilot; I am the daughter of a hero.  Happy Veterans Day to all of our service people. My Dad will be the first to try to tell me that he's not the real hero. If you ask any of the Dust Off crew about the heroic acts of flying rescue missions in Vietnam they will all quickly recall the stories of another pilot, another medic- they will speak with such pride of their service brothers and about what Dust Off really means but tell you so little about themselves. There's no ego in their service- selfless then, and still now, they will tell you they were just flying the mission.

In a jungle a little over 40 years ago my Dad was one of the men who risked his life time and again to save others. Dust Off, the medivac helicopter unit, was who was called when all else failed- Dust Off was who never turned down a mission- Dust Off was who never hesitated to fly into the most dangerous of situations, with the biggest target on their backs to get our men home safely. As young men, some still in their teens, their bravery and courage changed them forever. They would fly anywhere, anytime to answer the call. They would be shot up, shot down, and then run to the nearest helicopter to go back out there and finish the mission. They were brave, courageous, sometimes seemingly crazy in their acts of heroic service, and they were never the same.

I wasn't alive then, I didn't see this, but I know it... I know it from the man that my Dad is, I know it from the honor of having met some of my Dust Off uncles, and I know it from their stories. As the daughter of a Dust Off pilot I know the war never goes away for the people who lived it, it changes but never leaves them.  I also know how deeply our country let them down. Upon their arrival home our soldiers were met with harsh treatment, some spit on and sworn at, and all were asked to put away the memories, move on with life, and were not celebrated or embraced for their heroic service. Our country let these men down and did in some cases perhaps as much damage as the war itself.

I am hopeful we have learned- that my generation understands now that soldiers deserve to be honored even when we do not agree with the wars. If and when we do not agree with the political decisions being made by our government then we have a duty as citizens protected by our service men and women, we have an obligation, to stand up to the government to bring our soldiers home but we have an equally important obligation and duty to take care of and HONOR the brave individuals willing to take up the call of defending the United States.

We also must take care of those who have served our country- they deserve the best healthcare, education, jobs, and treatment we have to give. They deserve to be honored and cared for long after the war is over. The deserve hugs, handshakes, thanks, and gratitude everyday and so do the families who wait by the TV, Internet, or phone for a loved one who is in harms way, who keep the home fires burning, take care of the children, pets, house so that our service men and women can do their jobs for our country and especially for the families whose loved ones have paid the ultimate price of war.  We can't pay them enough, we can't thank them enough, but we can make sure that we vote for legislation that protects and cares for them- we can fight for our veterans as they continue to fight for us.

This is also the first Veterans Day that we can openly and proudly celebrate our Gay and Lesbian service people. Many of these individuals had to hide who they were from all around them for fear of being discriminated against, for fear of not being allowed to serve their country.  With the repeal (FINALLY) of Don't Ask Don't Tell, our heroes are freer to be who they are and live their lives in pride and honor.  We must not forget all of the gay and lesbian service men and women who were dis-honorably discharged simple for who they loved- they served our country and our country does not serve them- they are without the benefits they earned and deserve.

I am hopeful. We have come such a long way from the rallies where heroes were made into villains, from the policies that didn't allow service people to be who they are, and from a culture where PTSD and mental illness were once so deeply stigmatized... but we can and must continue to strive for better for our veterans.  Thank you to my Dad, my Dust Off family, and all of our service people and families. Happy Veterans Day!

The power of love, compassion, and forgiveness ... Remembering Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction ... The chain reaction of evil -- hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr  Strength To Love, 1963.

I have often found the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. inspiring. I think his life reminds us that equality is hard fought and that discrimination, injustice, and hate must be met head on, with strength, deep conviction, profound courage, and great love.

As I googled my obligatory Martin Luther King Jr. quote to post on my Facebook status this morning, I read through dozens of his words and found one of my long time favorites to share with my friends and family- the excerpt you see above.  I have often heard and read these words but each time I am somehow still deeply struck by the truth of this statement and the power behind it. Perhaps it is in knowing that Dr. King did not just speak these words, he lived them. And that he is not alone- the power to drive out darkness comes from light and the the power to rid the world of hatred comes from love. Our greatest teachers on the planet seems to share this common thread, this common message.

I think that is what also makes Dr. King's words so profound. This deep truth touches on what could be the most challenging personal journey we are asked to take- that of forgiveness when we have been truly wronged and deeply hurt. How do we let go of the anger and the pain? Where do we find the willingness to  meet hatred with love not just because we are trying to show restraint but because we truly forgive? Scholars and spiritual guides more learned than I perhaps are better suited to such questions- but my answer- the only one I have found to work in my own life has been compassion.  Compassion creates the smallest crack letting in the slightest ray of light into the darkest places of my own anger and hatred, though always slow and rarely graceful. 

Forgiveness never means justification for what has been done. Letting go of anger or hatred doesn't mean  that what happened was right or acceptable- it only means choosing to release the pain and the hurt. In the case of Dr. King, he saw a higher purpose, a greater calling, and recognized the power of letting go of anger for his own well-being but even more importantly for the well-being of our country and our world. Dr. King recognized that justifiable hatred in response to hatred would only create destruction, pain, and more hatred- so he understood the need for compassion, forgiveness, non-violence, and love.

The truth is, I am in awe of forgiveness at every level- the most mundane to the deepest wrongs, but especially the kind of forgiveness and love Dr. King demonstrated with his words and actions. That kind of love and compassion is inspiring and humbling because it is it the stuff of truly great courage and truly great strength. It is part of why we admire and look up to Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, Gandhi, Jesus, Buddha, Mother Teresa... of the millions of individuals who have stood up to violence, injustice, bigotry, and hatred with the power of love.  If the hatred has hurt you- and many of us have been hurt by the hatred of bigotry, insensitivity, cowardice, and fear -  the way to meet hatred with love is through compassion.

Hatred does multiple hatred into a descending spiral of destruction, but I believe very strongly that the exact opposite is also true.  LOVE MULTIPLES LOVE INTO AN ASCENDING SPIRAL OF CONSTRUCTION!

So here's the heart of this post- (sorry sometimes it take me awhile to get there I know!) it seems we as humans are always afraid we are at the precipice of days, and if you look back in history there were always tough times, always dark ages, always difficult days-  it is easy to get caught up in the fear and see only the devastation and destruction around us. Dr. King could have so easily only seen the horror of discrimination, bigotry, and racism suffered by those around him. He could have focused on the overwhelming hatred that was present, focused on the despair, and the seemingly impossible task of the Civil Rights Movement, but he did not. Instead he focused on the HOPE, he focused so famously on his DREAM, he focused on meeting hatred with LOVE!  

In a world with such serious problem, pains, and struggles we must face those challenges but not from  a place of fear, not focusing panicked about how the world is coming undone around us, or how 2012 is on its way and the Maya calendar is ending, but rather working towards our own DREAM of how it can be- our own vision for how we know it will be when we choose to use our love and passion, our drive and determination for what matters most to each of us, for forces of good. Love always expands and makes our world better. Our challenge is to meet hatred with love, find compassion, fight apathy, and seek a small way to engage in our communities each day to try to make them better. 

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -MLK  Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  Thank you to Dr. King for inspiring us all to multiply love and compassion in our world, to stand up courageously and powerfully to injustice, and for reminding us that we do have the power to change the world.

The Surprising Nature of Vulnerability and Community

Recently a dear family friend taught me a lesson about community that I cannot stop thinking about. He said that if you do not utilize your community when you need them, then they will not feel like you depend upon them and eventually the community will disappear. As someone who has spent my moments of crisis attempting to summon a brave face, find a smile, and pretend I'm okay, these words completely changed my perception. 

So down the rabbit hole of reflection I've been sent again...

I have always thought that I was being considerate of others and that I was somehow being a good friend by not being needy, burdensome, or asking for help.  It never occurred to me that the exact opposite was actually true. I had not realized that each time I put on a brave face, each time I said I was fine, each time I didn't pick up the phone and reach out- that in a small way I was sending a message to my friends and family that I didn't need them, didn't trust them, or that they weren't close enough for me to reach out. This was not the message I would ever want to send the people I love and respect.

Then I began to think of all the times I've known friends who are in a rough place- all the times I've tried to reach out and been met with an "I'm okay"; "It's fine"; "I'll be okay" brave face... from friends I love and know.  How many times have friends of mine or people I love stubbornly been considerate and tried not to burden others?

So here is the surprise-  I know my friends and family love me and if I need them they will be there, but I rarely reach out and ask for help. And I have a hunch I am not alone.  But rather than this being somehow noble, brave, or compassionate for those we love- it is actually destructive to our community. Not picking up the phone and calling a friend when I am feeling bummed out, not asking a friend to meet for coffee when I am sad about something, not reaching out - all of this unties the binds that are meant to give us unity and to form community.  

The surprise to me is that it is our vulnerability that connects us. In this journey to live more authentically as the person I am, I once again discover that we build trust, friendship, community and happiness in our lives by taking the risk of sharing our lives, our stories, ourselves.

Making it better...

The news has been a flurry of intense stories these past weeks. I could hardly take my eyes off of the Chilean miners and their rescuers for they offered a profound message of endurance, hope, and determination. So easily these stories stay with us for a day or two only to be forgotten or pushed out of the forefront of our minds with the busy tasks of another day.

One story I hope does not drift out of our collective conscience is the epidemic of teen suicide, especially among our LGBTQ youth.  When a 13 year old decides that he cannot stay on this planet another moment because it hurts too much- there is something profoundly wrong. Yes, suicide is indicative of individual struggle, sometimes illness, and pain,  but these suicides in particular are indicative of a much wider, larger, cultural problem.

The hegemonic discourse of our society holds great power in dictating what is normal and what is not. Everyday messages are interwoven into the fabric of our collective worldview and when we do not challenge these messages they continue to gain momentum and be passed on from one generation to the next. 

Such messages are especially apparent to our youth- young children exploring their gender identities and sexuality are ever so aware of what is acceptable, normal, and right by society's standards. The pressures to conform to that are unimaginable. And when a child doesn't, when a child is made by our society to feel so abnormal, so freakish, so sinful they sometimes see the only way out as removing themselves from the planet.  The loss of these children, and far too many like them, is a great loss not just to their families and their communities but to ALL of us. Each human life represents a unique, precious individual that has something to offer our world. When they take their own lives, we all lose. We lose their potential, we lose what might have been, we lose their unique, special gifts, contributions, and insights to our human story and our world.

Pay attention to the messages that we are passing along. Pay attention to the power of words. The simple statement someone makes saying "That's gay" where being gay is equated with stupidity is one such message heard all the too often. I've heard people defend their use of this comment, saying "I have gay friends, it's just a word, it doesn't mean I'm homophobic".  The reality is words like these are the mechanisms through which social norms and messages get passed on!!!  This is HOW culture works. There is no list where we as members of our social group look up what is normal and what is not. We learn that information through words, through statements exactly like this one and the hundreds of thousands of others that little by little create an environment where a person can be made to feel so sinful, worthless, weird, or different that they would end their life.

The good news is that we have the power to change those messages one word at a time. We must wake up and pay attention to the cultural message we are passing on and those that we are standing idly by while others are allowed to pass on. We are all listening, especially children, to these cultural messages about ourselves and each other and we are the only ones who can change them. The task is daunting yet one message at a time it can be changed. 

This is an example of how: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax96cghOnY4

This is evidence of one man who is actively making it better. One man who had the courage to stand up in Texas and talk about his personal struggles with who he is and society's opinion of him. His life and so many of ours, mine included, are evidence that is DOES get better but you have to stick around long enough for that to happen.

Our job is to MAKE it better with the words we use, the messages we choose to pass on, and the actions we take.  PLEASE MAKE IT BETTER.

Speaking from within...

WELCOME!


After years of silencing my own voice for fear of what the world might think, I am diving in and posting thoughts in cyberspace. And as would often happen... all thoughts now have left my brain! :)


So let's just start with some of the things I believe in:
1. Humans are capable of both truly amazing and truly horrifying actions. We have the responsibility and the power to stand up to hate, discrimination, and intolerance. We have the choice to use our lives to make the world around us better.

2. There is much to learn from all who have walked the path ahead of us and wisdom can come from the most unexpected of places. 

3. Dogs model truly unselfish love and generosity. I am lucky to have two of the most loving, funny, snorty pugs.

4. Finding the great love of my life, Lauren, was no accident; she helps me grow and has expanded my heart more than I knew possible.

5. I am grateful that my life is so deeply intertwined with my Nanny, my parents, and my sister, brother, and their families.

6. Being an auntie is such an honor and joy. I continue to be amazed by how much those wonderful souls have to teach.

7. "What you need is needing you; what you seek is seeking you" (heard this one on the radio).

8. Live and let live, follow your heart, to thine own self be true, and stand up for what you know to be right.

9. Growing is challenging, often frustrating, sometimes painful, but always worth it.

10. Be nice, speak the truth with kindness, and give love every chance you get.

11. "Life is a mysterious, unfolding adventure" (thank you Gerry) and there is magic in the world around us.

12. Enjoying the sunshine does not make it rain. It is time I enjoy my life more!

13. Darkness is only the absence of light. There is infinite love and light around and within us; we only need to look...